Thursday, 10 May 2007

Ganting about the town...


On a summer’s afternoon, Tara and Moon-Moon walked up to WHS on Ryde High Street for a scheduled interview with upcoming island talent Adam and the Gants. Under the impression that we were going to meet up outside WHS and then carry out the interview over a friendly coffee, were were somewhat surprised on arrival to meet the personal bodyguard of Adam and the Gants otherwise known as ‘Security’.

In order to deem whether we were worthy of meeting the band, we were asked some questions, and after a quick phone call with the members of the band themselves he finally told us we could “go in” (after warning us that it cost extra to take pictures). Bemused, as WHS was in darkness, we followed him blindly.

Sitting on a bench in the courtyard looking pensive under some well placed trees, were the very people we had come to see (and some groupies). Clad in leopard print and oversized sunglasses, they had an impressive presence and at that moment we knew that we were interviewing real rockstars.

Thom was late but he was thoughtful enough to leave us a letter of apology, which we shall now restate:



Firstly, I must apologise for not being present during this interview, as I would very much like to be joining you. However, I am in talks with EMI over a Tipton records merge, following the future success of my upcoming album; who I am.
As you can imagine, for an artist like myself, the months ahead will be tough, and I can’t let novelties like your interview hold me back.
Good luck with yout future endeavours,


Luke had not had the courtesy to give us a letter. However, we worked through this. The interview had begun.

Tara: Where/when/how/why did you form? 

Aidan: That’s quite an interesting story actually.
Fred: [With the straight composed face he manages to maintain throughout the entire interview] We were shopping in Camden and I saw the cutest little leopard print bag…there was a tiny little hand on it…and it was his [Adam’s]. That meeting was fate. Adam just happened to play the drums
Adam: The best in the world
Fred: …And I happened to be the best singer in the world. Adam had graduated from [insert name of well known music-school, excluded to take account of the band’s privacy rights] and Aidan played the magic flute - it was destiny. Then we got back to the island and saw Luke.
Aidan: Luke had just gotten out of rehab.
Fred: Due to his fairy-liquid addiction

Tara: Do you want me to write that down?
Fred: Oh yes, he won’t mind. He’s always saying ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’.

Tara: How did you come up with the band name?
Adam: Well, my name is Adam and being the best member of the group obviously my name comes first. And his [Aidan’s] second name is Gant.

Tara: Do the other band members not resent you slightly for this obvious superiority? 

Adam: [With the beginnings of a laugh and then a deadly serious face] Well, you’ve got to get your priorities right, haven’t you? And as I’ve already said, I am the best member of the band.

Tara: So who would you say were your main musical influences?
Adam: Babyshambles.
Fred: I think Babyshambles played a large part.
Aidan: Babyshambles.
Adam: Well also Razorlight and all the new indie new rave music…
Aidan: And obviously bands like Nirvana
Fred: And the Beatles…
Adam: Can’t forget the Beatles.
Aidan: The Beatles are…mind-blowing.

Tara: Arrange your ideal music festival… 
Band: Oooh, that’s a good question…[they mutter amongst themselves…]
Fred: Well, us, obviously.
Adam: Headlining every night.
Aidan: Yeah, every night. And the Smiths - they’d get back together for us.
Fred: Yeah yeah, you’ve gotta have the Smiths.
Aidan: Ooh, Gary Glitter, and Elvis

Tara: ...So you’re going to resurrect Elvis from the dead? 

Fred: Yeah, I think he’d do that for us. [All of them murmur consent]

Tara: Is nothing impossible for you guys?
Adam: [With another half-laugh to a sudden solemn undertone]…No.

Tara: Any gigs you’re particularly looking forward to playing this year? 
Fred: The Guil-Fest, Reading, V..
Aidan: No, no, we’re not playing V. We’re playing the Sunday at the Bestival. Well actually, we’re in discussions about it, we’re not confirmed yet.
Adam: We actually prefer the smaller more intimate gigs that cater to our Island fan base - we like to interact with the people who got us where we are now as opposed to always playing high profile gigs.

Tara: Who. Is. Your. Muse?
Adam: Well, Rosie S, definitely. [Rosie S was the inspiration for the song ‘Rage down Rosie’. At this point the band murmur consent].
Fred: My granddad, Roy. [Band again murmur consent].

Tara: So where do you see yourself in two years time?
Various band members [Sorry, we can’t remember who said what]: Well at the moment we’re living a rock-and-roll lifestyle, anything’s possible in two years time. We’ve got a huge following here and we’re already massive in Croatia.

Tara: Which bands would you hate to be likened to?
Adam: [With a bitter undertone marring his usually melodious voice] The Vibes. [He shudders slightly]. Oh, and The Feeling.
Fred: Yeah. The Feeling. In fact all the festival bands, like Snow Patrol - eurgh.
Aidan: And Muse. We’re not very impressed by Muse.
Adam: And the Stones are pretty poor too.
Fred: Although they do wear nice prints [He flicks his scarf].
Adam: Ooh yeah, really nice prints.
Aidan: I really like their prints.

Tara: If you were a fruit, what fruit would you be, and why?
Adam: [With the usual smile/straight face combo] Star fruit. [Motions towards self in vaguely camp manner]. For obvious reasons.
Fred: [Quizzically] Can I be something like a butternut squash or a pumpkin? I feel it represents my spherical ego much more efficiently.
Adam: [Murmurs] You can be whatever you want to be.
Aidan: A lime. Cos I’ve got quite a refreshing personality.
Fred: And they’re a bit bitter. More bitter than lemons.
Aidan: Yeah, I have quite a bitter undertone in my personality.
Adam: [Solemnly] You can hear it in your playing. 

Tara: Any words to bands that are just starting out? 
Adam: Well the Vibes can just fuck off. Basically there’s no point in any other bands starting out - don’t bother.
Fred: It’s a tough world.
Adam: What with us and Los Fantastic, there’s just not enough room at the top.

Tara: What do you have to say to those who say you’re a piss-take when you’re obviously very serious about yourselves and your potential?
[They all chuckle and then don a straight face]
Fred: I honestly don’t see how they can. Cos I mean when you listen to the lyrics to Better Than Dawnwalk... I mean they’re just full of emotion; “Adam and the Gants, you want us in your pants” - I mean, it’s just so truthful, that’s exactly like human nature. And then Thom’s solo work…
Aidan: It’s breathtaking. His lyrics…

Tara: Speaking of Thom, has his solo act put any strain on band relations?
Fred: No, not really.
Adam: We’re very supportive of him.
Fred: It’s not like he doesn’t put in the effort. I mean, he always shows up to band practice and stuff. Aidan: What does annoy us though…
Fred: Is his constant shagging.
Aidan: He’s a bit of a womanizer.
Adam: We also feel that Thom sometimes holds the best subject matter back from us.
Fred: For example, ‘Bespoke Soldier’ (which is on his new album, WHO I AM), is all about the Iraqi war…and we’d like to show everyone that we care too.
Aidan: The lyrics to that were mind-blowing.
Adam: Yes, we’d really like to fan out our lyrics into more political topics. He’s holding back the best lyrics from us.
Fred: I actually don’t really care, I’m not in it for the music, more for the money and the girls.

Tara: How did you come up with your album name? 
Adam: What, Love Mathematics? Well, that was actually about one of Thom’s many old girlfriends… Fred: He has a lot.
Adam: …And he once wrote a song called Me+You = Love, and we just went from there, really. Because Thom’s always falling in love with girls. Underage or not.

Tara: So where do you see Adam and the Gants taking you in the future?
Aidan: I’d quite like to see us get on the TV, but we’ve already played a few high-profile gigs (only the best of course) and I’ve already been on Roman Britain. I wouldn’t say it’s all because of Adam and the Gants, but I think it’s helped.

Tara: So do more people recognize you now?
Aidan: As a band or individually?

Tara: Individually. But because of the band.
Aidan: Oh yes definitely.
Adam: Sometimes people even shout things at us in the streets
Fred: Yes, Like “Get your hair cut”
Adam: It’s really nice to be appreciated by your fans.

Tara: How did you feel when you didn’t get into the top three? [At Battle of the Bands]
Fred: It felt like…there was this giant Battle of the Bands penis and it was pissing all over us
Aidan: It was definitely rigged
Adam: We were cheated
Fred: People definitely saw the talent
Adam: As was seen by the copious amounts of lingerie thrown onto the stage [these were handed out prior to the performance with clear instructions as to their purpose]
Aidan: One of the members of Skyline Heroes told us we should have gotten into the top three…

Tara: That’s not what your MySpace page says…
 Adam: Different member, different member

Tara: So how did it feel to prove all the non-believers wrong, as you are now in fact playing the Isle of Wight festival?
Various band members [It’s like two weeks later, you wouldn’t remember either]: We don’t wanna be petty but… No it was fantastic. But we’d earned it.

Tara: Rumour has it you’re touring with Razorlight. Can you confirm anything?
Fred: We’re not allowed to talk about it, but uh, I think it’s safe to say that Johnny’s a close friend of mine and I’d like to make him more than a brotherly figure and a drinking buddy, and work with him musically. He’s inspirational.

Tara: Any last words of advice?
Tutti: We don’t advise, we inspire.
Adam: Fuck the Vibes.

At this point, Thom graced us with his presence in the courtyard having just finished his meeting with EMI and we were able to scoop a private interview.

Moon-Moon: How do you feel about those in the band (who shall remain nameless) who feel that you hold back the best material from them?
Thom: Sorry?

Moon-Moon: [repeats question, attempting to preserve cool demeanour] 
Thom: Pardon?

Moon-Moon: [repeats question, noticeably agitated] 
Thom: I don’t really understand.

Moon-Moon: [Shouts question] 
Thom: Ohhhhhhh. Well, that’s absolutely true. It’s not that I’m better than them, it’s just that I’m better than them MUSICALLY. I mean it’s really unfair for me to be confined by them.

At this point, Luke arrives with a dashing scarf swept across one shoulder and dark glasses so we can’t see his fairy-liquid junkie eyes. He shakes all our hands nervously, but refrains from speech.

The interview over, they lope off into Somerfield, ripping off their leopard skin clothing (other than Fred, who mutters “I’m not taking it off”) and then they lope back through again a few minutes later. It’s quite a repetitive process, and we won’t bore you with the details but suffice it to say that two of them returned later on to ask for bus fare. It’s nice to see celebrities keeping in touch with the little people.

Later, on MySpace, they were asked one last question.

Tara: When people see Adam and the Gants what do you want them to feel?
Adam: It’s Adam, hi! Tough question actually, I think people that come to see us will feel a variety of emotions. From the obvious enjoyment, to the less obvious (but most certainly apparent) arousal at Fred's thrusting, it's all there.

Says. It. All.

Things people have said about Adam and the Gants:

"The end of the world will be prevented by the formation of a band. A band so powerful, so musically inspired, that nothing will stand in their way. That band is Adam and the Gants"-Nostradamus

"Adam and the Gants will be the first band to play on the Moon"- Neil Armstrong

"They don't return my calls, but maybe one day they'll let me play with them!" - Mick Jagger

"They're the best thing since sliced bread! They make me want to eat my own words!" - Simon Cowell

You can find Adam and the Gants at and


Siniez said...

A truly great band, they inspire us so much..keep your eyes and ears open people becouse we have heard some of their new material! it is unbeleiveable..

vicky said...

it's awesome
hysterically hilarious
a definite winner

Charlie said...

"ha ... haha .... HAHAHA!"

-If you could hear me now.

Fantastic, loved it.

**pats on back**

Whammy-Bar. said...

Hilarious!Hats au loin à vous then..and car je vous ai dit sont bien sur votre chemin de aller bien à un grand journaliste.

The Scot said...

It took my a while to comment this as I had passed out in sheer awe over the majesty of Adam and the Gants.
I feel so priveledged to be aware of the one band who shall surely lead the music scene to salvation.

Adam and The Gants said...

Hello fans!

We are international supergroup ADAM AND THE GANTS. Thank you for your continued support, though our LP "Love Mathematics" will be delayed a further four months, we will be releasing our "Knob-Soirée Sessions" CD in time for the festival, with brand new tracks "Casual Equality", "Crash Landing" and the ground-breaking "Summer Lovin'"

We look forward to hearing your thoughts regarding the new tracks.


Anonymous said...

look im a comment

Anonymous said...

as am i

Anonymous said...

and me

Anonymous said...

i'll be one too!